First Ultrasound

Weight: 157.4 lbs
Mood: a little moody
Medications: none!

So there is a little story to tell before we get to the results of my first ultrasound....

Last night I was laying on my stomach in bed waiting for my dh to finish up in the bathroom. It's my turn so I do some sort of quick maneuver to "jump" out of bed and end of pulling my entire uterus region out of wack. I doubled over in pain/discomfort. It passed quickly, but I was kicking myself silly.

Later that evening when I used the bathroom I had two light, mucusy spots of blood. I could have cried right there, but nothing followed those two spots. I had a horrible night of waking nightmares and squirrel brained worry.

I get up this morning and I am touchy in that region, kinda like something swelled-up
overnight and for the first time in all of the IVF process, I skipped Spinning. I was so nervous that I screwed something up. Of course, this entire time I am also thinking that maybe this is just the beginning of morning sickness. I already have what I call afternoon/early evening malaise about half of the time, but my mornings have been just fine.

Well onto the the ultrasound. I did tell the RE what happened and how I was worried that I had done some damage. He didn't seem too concerned especially after we found my proto-incipient baby, complete with fetal pole, yoke sack, and a nice little heartbeat of 118 bpm. Next ultrasound is the December 12th, which he admitted was early because he is going on vacation. He also instructed me to make my first appointment with local OB for later that week.

Oh...and my official due date is July 16th. We'll tell family as a Christmas present and friends at our New Year's party.

Yeah I Stopped Posting

Weight: 160.4lbs
Mood: Normal
Medications: One last progesterone pill

Dh was wondering why I had stopped posting. Well this is my IVF blog, not my pregnancy blog. Since I'm off daily meds and am now in monitoring of my early pregnancy, I don't feel compelled to post everyday. I also found other IVF blogs annoying when I'd click through and they are blogging about their 3 year old twins having left IVF behind years ago.

I had my second beta today. I had a feeling it was going to be just fine because my breasts found another cup size this weekend. So my first beta at 7dp7dt was 29.6 and my second at 11dp7dt was 193. Also my progesterone is high enough that I can stop taking the pills. So I'm off meds entirely! I must have not done too much damage to my ovaries if they are producing progesterone for me.

My "hunt for the embie" ultrasound is in two weeks. I'll give another update then.

BFP

Weight: 156.2 lbs
Mood: Bi-polar day
Medications: 1 shot of 1/2 ml progesterone in oil, switching to oral med tonight

So what does BFP mean....BIG FREAKING POSITIVE. In the words of the nurse, "We have a pregnancy". She shocked the hell out of me, I was not expecting it what so ever. My blood test was at 8:30 am and she called at noon. I betcha they call the postives first cause those are at least good news. She rattled off my hcg and pregesterone levels and tried to coax my pharmacy name out of me so she could call in my new perscription while I sat here slack jawed.

My coworkers where over the partition and Pam remarked to Missey.."She sounds shocked". But of course, since Pam isn't from my office and is not clued in, I had to wait until she left to confirm for Missey that it was the nurse with good news. So I have to admit my husband was not the first person to know because my coworker overheard the phone conversation. Well heck, I suspect the nurse #1, the doctor and the lab tech all knew too. So that makes at least four people.

Soon as I could clear the office of customers I called dh and said "Hello Daddy". Ok, he was shocked too. I usually don't call him at school, but exceptions must be made. That and I think it might have been tacky to tell him via instant messenger.

I had to call the nurse (#2) back because I didn't write down my beta numbers. My first beta at 14dpo is 29.6 which would explain the two negative home pregnancy tests in the last three days. I would have only started picking up on those today because most require 25-50 on the beta to even cause a faint positive.

I have to go back on Monday for my second beta to see if my hcg numbers are increasing like they are supposed to. Dh wants to go out for red bloody steak tonight, and I am sure that I'm the designated driver for the next 9 months.

Last Shot!

Weight: 157.6lbs
Mood: Glad this thing is winding down
Medications: PIO IM shot 1/2 ml twice daily

Gave myself my last shot! Woot! I was getting sick of those things and being tied to a schedule. Official beta blood test is tomorrow. I noticed how my weight was up 3lbs as a result of transfer and how it went down on the first morning I tested. Seems the embies stuck around for the weekend before checking out.

I not as upset as you could imagine I'd be. I think this is going to work next time or maybe the time after. The success rates for my age group is only 35% which means you have to try and fail a few times. Next time's goal is egg quality over quantity.

I rolled over my sick time for the first time in 10 years, it's going to cut into holiday shopping money but hopefully if we catch on our February cycle I can take a nice long holiday break next year. I'm not looking forward to February driving for my monitering though.

I keep talking about that bottle of red wine, but I think I may decide to do the perfect margarita at Applebees. I think I'll go whole hog on the coffee tomorrow after beta too by getting a full on expresso.

As for my blogging plans, I'll post whenever there is a IVF related event to note, but this everyday stuff is going to stop. I blog my final, after period, weight for comparison to pre-cycle. I really wonder how much extra weight these PIO shots boobs are. They really are what my size should be and maybe instead of the boob reduction I wanted, I should invest in my real size. Ha!

Right Cheek, Right Thigh, Left Cheek, Left Thigh, Repeat

Weight: 157.4 lbs
Mood: Normal, but tired after auditions
Medications: PIO shots twice per day 1/2 ml IM

They kept me late last night for auditions but did let me sing for a lead. I'm guessing I'll be a mission girl, probably the trombone player because the director and I used to march trombone together back in college. Actually considering who we've got, we could probably stage the Mission band with real instrumentalists.

I always know I'm doing a good job driving out to Vermontville if I see at least one deer. I saw two last night in the driving sleet. I also have the ritual of stopping for a 20 oz diet Faygo, but they where out and I ended up with something caffinated.

I was feeling crampy and PMSy yesterday, that's faded today. I feel my libido coming back and that has been actively gone for about 3 weeks now. I won't miss the PIO shots, I won't miss the worrying about how I move or what I lift and I won't miss the secrecy.

I told my boss on his return from Dodge City on the "death" of my embies. Just wanted to assure him that he won't have to freak out about a future maternity leave just yet. Actually now that the memory of egg retrival has faded, I feel like I can do this again. Ask me the day after retrieval and you would have had a different answer.

I'm 5dp7dt and not exactly optimistic.

99% Accurate When Normal Hormone Levels Present

Weight: 160.4 lbs
Mood: Bummed Again
Medications: PIO IM shots 1/2 ml twice daily

Well I used the home pregnancy test today and got a big fat negative (BFN). My beta test is Thursday, but I wouldn't be surprised if my period showed before that. Ok, I admit that I am only 4 days past a 7 day transfer, but I didn't even get a whisper of a line and the test I took was supposed to be sensitive enough to read 5 days before your expected period.

I kinda used the gym as a place to work out some of those negative emotions. Wendy really worked us hard in Spinning class and I didn't exactly hold back. As my true BFN approaches, I try to steer myself back into normal thinking. I'm going to go audition for "Guys & Dolls" tonight, that should put me back into normalcy for then next three monthes at least. I figure we'll cycle again in February after the musical and before we audition for "Nunsence" which stages in late April.

Oops, Almost Forgot to Blog

Weight: 161 lbs
Mood: tired
Medications: PIO shots twice daily 1/2 ml

Not much to report today. Slept in, went to gym and then I checked out the new Cascade Meijers. Nice store, I could spend hours in there. Some of my wierder purchases: frozen squid, mint-licorice mentos, wine gummy candy, spotted dick (British sponge bread with raisins), India butter chicken sauce, tofu noodles and leeks.

Nothing much on the IVF front, I don't feel pregnant. My legs are killing me though. My upper thighs are black and blue all over and very stiff. I had dh do a butt shot just to give some relief.

I'm a bit put off by a fellow poster on the IVF boards, she's shrilly declaring that my RE's lab killed my embies because they cultured them to blast. Give me a break, they're a "Right to Life" clinic, they'd have transfered them on a Sunday if they couldn't handle the extra culture. This is the same person that complains that her Hispanic housekeeper farts too much and that IVF is accessable to everyone. She is a rich east coaster who has no clue it seems.

Pickles, Hold the Ice Cream

Weight: 159 lbs
Mood: Normal
Medications: PIO shot 1/2 twice daily

Sorry, but I don't feel pregnant. I just don't. The boobs are a side effect of the PIO injections and while nicer than my normal ones, don't mean anything. We went out for dinner last night and I tried to show my sister the pictures of my embies before anyone else showed and she didn't have much oppurtunity to look. They aren't exactly impressive anyway.

What will I do better my next cycle? I will cut my exercise to one hour and force myself to eat my daily intake plus an extra 300 calories. I'll try to avoid artificial sweeteners, pop, beer, caffeine and wine and go for the lean protein and fatted dairy. I will take 3 whole days after retrieval to recover too. Five aetretic eggs where five lost oppurtunities. We only had a 25% 4cell to blast rate when we should have had closer to 50%. Between me and the RE maybe we can get a good protocol sorted out. I so wanted to have embies on ice just in case and I have nothing.

No Beer for Embies

Weight: 159 lbs
Mood: Sleepy but Sure
Medications: PIO shots 1/2 ml twice per day.

I'm officially 1 day past 7 day transfer of 2 blasts = 1dp7dt. They had birthday food for Jan down in Planning & Zoning and I cowed on low fat cheesecake bars and trail mix. I better be pregnant because I'll be paying the piper come the day after beta if I'm not. We are going out to the Walldorff tonight with 4 other couples. No beer for me! No caffine for me either.

Dh isn't too thrilled with the no sex restriction for 5 full days, hopefully he won't start crawling the walls too soon. I'm not supposed to jog, run or lift heavy weights. I did rake today though, they didn't say anything about that. I just cannot believe someone would have the patience to go on bed rest for 2 or 3 days after transfer.

My left nipple is feeling present...which is NOT and indication of pregnancy. My left nipple always does this about 5 days before my period. It's normal.

I'll try to remember to scan the picture of my blasts to post up here this weekend. You can really tell the good one from the bad.

7th Day Transfer of 2 Blastocysts

Weight: 157.4 lbs
Mood: Keeping a lid on grief and optimism
Meds: PIO shots twice a day 1/2 ml

An evening of crying, soul searching, gnashing of teeth, rending of clothes and lots of chocolate consumed, that was my Halloween. We where told yesterday morning (day 6) that none of our embies where progressing past morula stage. They had until this morning at 10:30am before they where declared arrested. I couldn't cry until I got home from work, dh said if felt like he had been stabbed.

I had three big goals in my life and one was ripped from me. I feared perminent sperm disability, I feared for my own fertility, and I feared the looming expense of a 2nd try at something that is now a proven failure. I had to cry it out before I could step back and reassess the goal and it's alternatives. I can say that I did sleep well for a change having run a low grade fever with intestinal issues the last two days.

So with a heavy heart, dh and I set out for our IVF #1 post-mortum. It was nice enough day at least, the drive was quick and we arrived 10 minutes early.

Things started looking up with Nurse #2 entered the waiting room with our clipboard. Thats when I knew that something was positive. It wasn't the RE himself who is the bearer of bad news. I asked "We have something, I thought they all went belly up yesterday". She flipped the page and said we where transfering two. So she directed me into the surgical suite, asked me to strip waist down and empty my bladder (a retroverted uterus must be good for something).

The RE came in and that's when we had the "discussion". He fears for my egg quality, with slow stimming, 5 of 15 mature eggs disintergrating after retrivel, my age and dh's antibodies. The eggs I did get just didn't know what to do once they where embryos. At a 7 day transfer of what is developmentally a 5 day blast we have fallen out of sync. From what I've read late transfers are more likely negative and more likely result in a false chemical pregnancy. The RE didn't want to pin it solely on egg quality with only the results of one cycle and one tried protocol. He also said it could have just been a bad month to make those demands on my system.

So when (if) we got to round 2, it will be a different protocol to see if we can change the mix of maturation rates, egg quality and quantity.

Either way we transfered two blasts! The other 6 arrested, but we got two. We had one fully expanded average blast that was hatching and one partially expanded blast with a huge fragment in its middle. The transfer is similar to a pap smear without the nasty cotton swab, but then you have to lay with your butt up in the air for 1.5 hours. The scheduled my b-HCG test (blood pregnancy test) for next week Thursday.

Some people lay down for two days after transfer. That just wouldn't work for me, I would go nuts and its not proven to help or harm implantation. I was so hungry afterward dh let me choose lunch spot and we went to Seoul Garden with is a Asian (Korean, Japanese, Chinese) & Sushi bar. I didn't get to have beer or wine at all, which is what I planned for the failure of transfer. (I still have that bottle of Saki set aside for the 99% chance of a blood pregnancy test negative result.) We then went to the mall looking for games for the Wii and a Game Cube memory chip to save the Pikmin game to.

Officially I put my chances of pregnancy this cycle down to 20% versus the 60% I was anticipating before the morula issues popped up. On the bright side, we budgeted 10K for IVF and have only used 5.8K so far. Our insurance has covered $2000 in meds and about $1000 in labs/office visits. Another bonus is that we've paid one-quarter of that home equity line off already so we'll be in much better position for the second go round.